People that have known me for a while, and who I have bothered to let in on the details of my personal life, would probably tell you that I don't like to make mistakes...not in work, not in fun, and not in relationships. I choose carefully what my next move will be, and often a couple moves in advance.
Those same people may also tell you that I tend to jump right in and perhaps "fall too fast" when it comes to things I like...or people I like. But that's the superficial perspective of it. There's no "falling" involved at all.
I don't like to back-track and have to re-learn, or re-do anything in life. To me that is a waste of time. I would much rather ask someone that already knows the answer, so I can take note, and move forward, or spend some time figuring out what the possible answers are, and what their consequences would be. I do this in work, and in my hobbies, and in relationships.
I'm more interested in writing about various relationships tonight, though, so I'll focus on that for this post.
People that see me dive right in to something with someone else are missing an important part of the picture - the part where I have already turned down the other options. It's rare that I date anyone - hell, it's even rare that I hang out with new people at all, let alone a girl. But that is because if I don't foresee any beneficial relationship - whether friendship with compatible personalities, or whatever, I don't bother - because there won't be any point to us being around each other.
The same goes for dating. I don't even bother accepting, or asking, or even considering going on a date with a person that I couldn't see spending a lot of my time with in the near (or distant) future. Why waste their time on me, or my time on them, when I would know from the start that it wasn't going to work in my mind?
My most valued currency is my time - if I choose to spend the non-refundable, limited, and cherished time on earth with someone...I consider them to be worth being around...worth respecting. With friendships, and relationships, I am always up for spending whatever free time I have that is not alloted to anything else with those people. I consider it a good investment of myself and my time to include them in my life. (Whether or not they feel the same is a different story - I try to make it worth their while though)
But in a relationship things are a little different. As with not wasting time by dating someone I couldn't see myself with...I also do not waste time by dating more than one person at the same time. That is, in effect, to me, saying "I don't really see you as someone that I could totally be with - there's this other thing that this other person has that I want...but I still want you too." No, sir.
If I pick someone to date, it's because I'm choosing that person, and them alone, to spend my time and thoughts, and feelings on. They have my full attention in that aspect of my life, and I give them nothing less. Conversely, I require their full attention in that aspect of their life as well...otherwise, it's a waste of time, and even disrespect.
I've known people that have decided they wanted something different while they were with someone else...so they cheated. I've known people who were the ones that supposedly didn't have everything their partner wanted. And I've been one of those people as well...one who was cheated on.
The person that cheated on me didn't have the same effect on me as my other friends who got cheated on - and with me, it's because I look at things a little differently. She cheated, told her friend, and lied about it to me. Her friend told me, and she still denied it. Personally, if someone wants to cheat on me - so be it. You're going to do what you're going to do, and there's nothing I can do about it. But don't expect to ever hear from me again. Don't expect to even be treated like a person again.
(This goes back to some earlier posts that I may or may not have made public - but being lied to, or discarded with disregard to the time I spent on someone is instant loss of my respect for them as a person. But that is another post altogether.)
However, that is the case for that individual. I don't let one dumbass girl influence my trust for the others that come along. And it's a hard point to come to in your ability to trust people...but that's where I've been for a while - and what I've always told people: "I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to." But that's my view on it - I'm compartmentalized about things in life.
Other people that I have known who were cheated on felt worthless...like they were not enough of a person to satisfy the one that they thought loved them...so how could they satisfy anyone else that didn't already love them? That's baloney. It does feel that way - but it's not true.
And that's because the person that said they loved you, doesn't know what love is...doesn't have the maturity to stick with what is started, or end what is in progress before trying to start something new. Sure it turns out to be that time spent, gone, and never gotten back - but cut the losses early, instead of wasting someone else's time by overlapping a relationship - that's even worse. There are psychological and emotional effects that can last a whole lot longer than if they had just broken up with them in the first place.
I spent 10 years watching other people screw up their relationships...and 10 years helping people figure out what went wrong with their relationship, and helping them put it back together...helping encourage the people who were broken...helping encourage the people that wanted to start something new in their life but didn't know how. And helping break down the walls of distrust and miscommunication to fix issues from within the relationships instead of trying to find answers on the outside somewhere.
I've seen what it does to people, and I've seen the ignorance that it takes to do something so stupid - and I've never done it, and never intend to - I'd even go so far as to say I never will. If I pick you, you've got my attention...and you've got it until you let go - because I won't until you do. So you've got nothing to fear...
I wouldn't ask you to trust me, if I didn't trust you.
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