Time for a change

This summer, I was a different person - I was the other me that doesn't get to show itself much. Now, it's time for a change. That version of me is fun for a while, and gets to express himself in a way that relates to a particular kind of person, but it also prevents the other me from totally expressing myself.

This summer, I learned to take photos, I explored writing and photography and artsy stuff, effectively leeching off someone else's personality while they leeched off mine. I learned the arts from them while they learned the teck from me. Now it is time for a forced reversal.

There are various things I need to do to get my life back on track, and going in a particular direction that seems to be a couple stones over from where I'm currently standing.

- No more emo Neo...back to Teck Neo...back to [[Neo]] and [[Oracle]] and [[Trinity]]
- Photography is cool, it can stay - it's a different kind of technology that I can use to make money.
- Writing will slow again, and go back to technology oriented writing - stuff I'm good at: facts, data, experiments...stuff that doesn't step on people's toes or hurt their feelings, because it itself is emotionless - like me, generally. People usually like my writing, and it's always about someone. It's when something that sounds like their situation starts appearing in my writing that they get upset - but don't mind when it's about someone else. Oh well, that's human nature I guess. It happens all the time...I view it as constructive criticism when I see myself in someone else's parable.

I have an online store that I was working on before the summer started, but I haven't been able to do anything with it because of my internet connection at the house. I've had a bad IP address I guess, because it ends in 0 and my web server apparently won't let me access it because of my IP. So I'm going off the grid, at least at the house, for a little bit, to try and get that thing fixed. I hope it works...there has to be a way to get a new IP for my modem without being offline for too long.

I haven't paid much attention to my website this summer, because I haven't wanted to touch a computer very much at all. I've been doing social things lately, and apparently me being social is a painful experience for people that aren't used to me. So I'll scale that down a bit, and people will either accept me or not, and if not, that's their problem. I've been fine for the last 4 years keeping myself company, and I can do it for a while longer if necessary. I can adapt to fit people's needs for a time, but I cannot change my inherent behavior - no one can...and if they say they can, they're lying right to your face. I'm interested in turning all my knowledge into some kind of business venture, and finding someone that I can share my life with at the same time. My only requirement from her: to ask how I'm doing sometime during the day - show a little bit of interest (even if it's just a habitual question) will keep me sane and focused. A perceived loss of interest will cause me to lose interest. That's just how I'm wired from birth, there's nothing I can do about it, and that's how I treat others - a daily show of some kind of affection to let them know I'm still interested - whether they need it or not.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my website, it's pretty self-sustaining right now, and folks are posting away...I've got another one out there already but getting one to the other is a bitch because of the changes in the database, and the way the pages are created by the code. If I had kept with the move all this time, I would have been working on it for a year, and probably would have had another version up by now. But I'm not really interested in getting another version up at the moment. I'm interested in progressing in life.

I'm 24 years old, and this was the year that I was supposed to have everything in order for my life. But here we are, with 3 months left in the year, and I'm aimlessly wandering around my own fate with no real purpose or direction that has any real meaning - at least to me and what I'm about.

So here we go...are you ready for the change? Can you hold on when I take everything in my life and flip it upside down and go in a completely opposite direction? It's what I do every so often...I require change and something new and exciting. I approach the new direction (which is usually one I've already traveled before) with the new knowledge that I've gained from the previous episode of my life, and cycle through all this over and over.

That that don't kill me, can only make me stronger
everything I've been through has it's own song ta'
remind me that I gotta hold on ta'
the lessons learned,
times I was burned,
the good times that we had. And now I got ta'
take a step in the other way
hold out my hands, and grab a brand new day.
One like the past
but with lessons that
I picked up along the hard & rocky way.
I used it all to write a brand new plan,
with out-stretched arms...will you take my hand?

And there you have it.