Last summer, I didn't have any interest in following anything related to politics because it was just too stressful to listen to them argue, and I didn't really like my options anyway. I decided I would not vote, and stuck to it.
But when I started a new job, in a new town, it came up in conversation with my Boss (the owner of the company) what my preference was regarding the political candidates. Being naive about the ramifications of expressing [what would be] opposing views, I said I was leaning towards the economic policy Obama had put forward (because of how well the economy was under Bill Clinton [even though I didn't want him to win], and how well it did under FDR during the Great Depression).
Immediately, I was bombarded with words like "Socialist," "Communism," "Terrorist," and "Corrupt."
Now, I try to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them...and I had no reason to accept those words as valid, because they were negative buzzwords used to get people riled up, especially coming off the War on Terror rhetoric (that even I supported back in 2003 when it started...but grew tired of it in 2005 when it should have ended by then).
I had nothing to explain myself with every time my boss wanted to talk about politics...so I had to start watching the news to figure out what he was talking about, and form my own opinions on the talking points. And I started hearing things that I agreed with....
I'll stop there, and talk about religion, because the two do meet, conceptually...
I was raised hardcore southern baptist - so much so, to the point of believing that any other protestant doctrine would send someone to hell, if it was not Southern Baptist. That was, until my parents up-and-changed churches. I have no idea why they decided to do it, or any of the many confusing, mind-changing, life-altering shifts they made while we were growing up. But all the sudden - one didn't have to be Southern Baptist to get into heaven anymore...you could be Non-denominational, or Southern Baptist now.
"All right, I can handle that...just so long as you're Southern Baptist or just plain Christian it's ok...but anything else is hell-bound." I thought.
Then they changed to a Methodist church - one of the very churches they spoke so negatively about because it had a woman preacher.
"wtf? seriously?" my thoughts were.
After I was "forcibly relocated" to my Dad's, I went to a church my family had gone to just before moving to the country. It was familiar, and I knew it was acceptable by their standards [whatever they were, if any] so it would be ok for me.
I went there for 2 years, but started realizing I wasn't getting anything out of it, and it was more for socializing than for anything at that point. And when I moved out on my own, I reflected back on everything I'd been through, and realized one important thing:
Jesus was Jewish - not Southern Baptist, not Methodist, not Non-denominational...he was Jewish.
From then on, what church one went to was only an indication of the finer, man-made interpretations of one what one believed...called Doctrine. Doctrine doesn't save you, doctrine isn't supposed to tell you how to live - doctrine is just a common interpretation of the "rules" of the bible that everyone in your church thinks you're supposed to live by...and every church is different - and they will fight each other over the differences in those doctrines, or impose them as "The Way" that non-Christians are supposed to change their lives and live.
I disagree with that concept. I do not subscribe to a doctrine - refuse to.
My beliefs are based on what I've read in the Bible, and how I am able to apply it to my life. Parables, prophecies, and miracles - they all have a purpose, and they all have a real-life component.
Parables are simply stories to explain a greater truth, in a broader, simpler way so everyone can understand what's being said, and apply it to their life - without the speaker having to tell each individual person (whether it's applicable to them or not) how to live their life. It's to get people to think on their own.
Prophecies are warnings that the current track you're on will either bring you blessings or destruction because someone (a third-party to the issue) can see from outside the box, the direction you are heading in. It's to get people to think beyond themselves (i.e. unselfishly).
And Miracles all have physical manifestations of some unusual act. I don't have examples to use, and would rather not explain away miracles. However, their occurrence (regardless of the initiating force) don't just "happen," there is an actual physical activity that is going on to produce it.
And as I started thinking about these things, I started finding things I agreed with...
And now the two meet: The more I found that I agreed with, the less interested I was in accepting things that I knew better about - whether they were naive statements that were poorly researched, or misquotes that were taken out of context and altered for a particular purpose.
I have no problem getting my Christian views to work with logical thought. Everything in the bible has a purpose - and the basis of it all is for the reader/believer to be able to live a better life while they are here, helping others, and not themselves, because true happiness is found in selflessness.
And I have no problem voting someone into office that has the best answers (or at least proven methods) of fixing the issues that we're currently facing. Obama, McCain, Hilary - they all make no difference to me...but Obama planned to use the same concepts that FDR used during his New Deal to bring the country back from recession. If we weren't in a recession, then I'd probably have voted for McCain so we could wrap up this war stuff.
My goal in conversations I have with people about either of these two topics is not to say they are right or wrong, but to say what my opinion is that would yield a better, more productive result. If it's about religion, you don't have to stand on street corners yelling "REPENT OR DIE!!" in Fort Worth...you can explain it to people in a way that shows the benefits their lifestyle would receive if they were to follow the examples of Jesus. If it's about politics, you don't have to straight-up disagree with the other party just because it's the other party. There are good ideas on both sides, and they need to be presented in a manner (and to people) that will be willing to make the compromises necessary to get the issue solved. Every solution is going to have unforeseen consequences, but that doesn't mean the answer is completely wrong.
As a good friend told me recently, the path to happiness is found when neither person is worried about "my turn to be selfish," and is working to help the other person. This holds for every kind of relationship possible.
Those are my thoughts.
3.30.2009
Professional or Expert/Guru/Genius?
"All I know, is that I learned more on my own than I have in college classes - and experience always says more than education - otherwise, the newest college graduates would have better jobs and better pay than the seasoned workers, simply because their degree is newer, and theoretically more current." - [[Neo]]
I had been needing some blog fodder for a while - something that wasn't tired, old rhetoric based on political news.
And then I saw @Xemion post this message:
and I explained what I meant:
I got my first corporate job doing accounting, but had always had an interest in IT stuff since college - it was the reason I went to college, after all, to extend my hobby into a degree.
I was a "power user" at work, and went through 3 computers during the first couple months because the crappy old Windows NT 4.0 machine couldn't handle the kind of work I wanted to do with it. Neither could the low-grade Optiplex GX-1.
When asking the IT people questions, I was always viewed as some dumb user who didn't know what I was talking about (and granted, I was in a lot of areas - but that's why I was asking the questions).
Everyone that I knew that was in the IT field, whether it was my parents, the company's IT people, or professors - they were all doing it to get paid, and had no interest in doing it because it was what they liked to do. It was a job choice...like my doing accounting work. They were (quote, unquote) "Professionals."
Now, I am the guy in that field, doing the things that they were doing. My predecessor at my current company is someone that I would consider a "professional" but then again, I don't know what his does in his spare time - though I'm sure it's nothing like what I do.
I wouldn't call myself an "Expert," "Guru," or "Genius" in any particular definition of the words. However, I would say that I am an extreme hobbyist that is not doing this just as a job, but because it's what I have essentially devoted my life to learning and doing. I take great pleasure/pride in the fact that I do not operate under any pretenses of coming in to any past or present job wearing the standard white shirt, black suit, and tie. Even when I was required to wear a suit to work, I never wore (never even owned) a white dress shirt.
I guess it's part of my "corporate identity" and my idea of the Corporate Environment 2.0. What one wears to work doesn't have anything to do with what one knows or is able to do. However, it does say something about how they view or conduct themselves. (And how they view themselves is portrayed in how they dress.)
So, would I prefer to tell people that I'm a professional or a guru/expert/genius when it comes to teck? Well, it would depend on the context - but frankly, if I were hiring an employee to help move an IT department forward, I would prefer the latter. If I wanted a warm body to just do tasks without new ideas, I'd probably hire a "professional."
All I know, is that I learned more on my own than I have in college classes - and experience always says more than education - otherwise, the newest college graduates would have better jobs and better pay than the seasoned workers, simply because their degree is newer, and theoretically more current.
I had been needing some blog fodder for a while - something that wasn't tired, old rhetoric based on political news.
And then I saw @Xemion post this message:
Retweeting @brandoncorbin: Why not replace Genius, Expert or Guru with Professional? this way you won't sound like an egotistical a** head.to which I replied:
@xemion what if the people that use Genius, Expert, or Guru don't like the culture that "Professional" implies, but know just as much?Then I read a non-reply reply from him:
I'm not sure what sort of culture "professional" implies, but it's got to be better than the one "guru" implies (IMO)
and I explained what I meant:
@xemion it's all opinion. IMO, "Professional" says "commercial corporate monkey"; Guru/Expert/Genius say "ultimate, life-dedicated hobbyist"Which is pretty much how I view it. Let me explain...
I got my first corporate job doing accounting, but had always had an interest in IT stuff since college - it was the reason I went to college, after all, to extend my hobby into a degree.
I was a "power user" at work, and went through 3 computers during the first couple months because the crappy old Windows NT 4.0 machine couldn't handle the kind of work I wanted to do with it. Neither could the low-grade Optiplex GX-1.
When asking the IT people questions, I was always viewed as some dumb user who didn't know what I was talking about (and granted, I was in a lot of areas - but that's why I was asking the questions).
Everyone that I knew that was in the IT field, whether it was my parents, the company's IT people, or professors - they were all doing it to get paid, and had no interest in doing it because it was what they liked to do. It was a job choice...like my doing accounting work. They were (quote, unquote) "Professionals."
Now, I am the guy in that field, doing the things that they were doing. My predecessor at my current company is someone that I would consider a "professional" but then again, I don't know what his does in his spare time - though I'm sure it's nothing like what I do.
I wouldn't call myself an "Expert," "Guru," or "Genius" in any particular definition of the words. However, I would say that I am an extreme hobbyist that is not doing this just as a job, but because it's what I have essentially devoted my life to learning and doing. I take great pleasure/pride in the fact that I do not operate under any pretenses of coming in to any past or present job wearing the standard white shirt, black suit, and tie. Even when I was required to wear a suit to work, I never wore (never even owned) a white dress shirt.
I guess it's part of my "corporate identity" and my idea of the Corporate Environment 2.0. What one wears to work doesn't have anything to do with what one knows or is able to do. However, it does say something about how they view or conduct themselves. (And how they view themselves is portrayed in how they dress.)
So, would I prefer to tell people that I'm a professional or a guru/expert/genius when it comes to teck? Well, it would depend on the context - but frankly, if I were hiring an employee to help move an IT department forward, I would prefer the latter. If I wanted a warm body to just do tasks without new ideas, I'd probably hire a "professional."
All I know, is that I learned more on my own than I have in college classes - and experience always says more than education - otherwise, the newest college graduates would have better jobs and better pay than the seasoned workers, simply because their degree is newer, and theoretically more current.
3.15.2009
This is [[Neo]] Live from The Pizzy...
I just spent most of yesterday evening, and most of this evening writing two different blog posts on thepizzy.net/blog. I found out that I am #1 on a google search for "openvpn connection to active directory" so I decided it was time to actually write a real article since the one people keep finding is only a Proof of Concept article.
I also gained 3 followers to my blog sometime today because of the stuff I've been writing, so there's a little incentive to produce some worth-while content more frequently.
After writing part 1 of this OpenVPN blog post though, I realized that I could get used to this kind of thing, and wouldn't mind doing a lot more instructional articles like it.
I'm probably going to be writing one for how to set up a couple more game servers, and will also start writing more of them for the various ideas that I come up with as "Proof of Concepts" and then go back and actually do it as a How-To when I figure it out.
Heh, it feels like the person at thepizzy.net is nothing like the person that runs the-spot.net - it's a whole other technical side of me over there. (and of course, there is a more blatant side of me over here at The Black Journal too).
This new tech writing thing may even give me some material to start doing podcasts like I had set up the site for. I think I will give that some more consideration now that I have a content direction for the blog.
That's all for tonight, and that's all for the weekend.
I also gained 3 followers to my blog sometime today because of the stuff I've been writing, so there's a little incentive to produce some worth-while content more frequently.
After writing part 1 of this OpenVPN blog post though, I realized that I could get used to this kind of thing, and wouldn't mind doing a lot more instructional articles like it.
I'm probably going to be writing one for how to set up a couple more game servers, and will also start writing more of them for the various ideas that I come up with as "Proof of Concepts" and then go back and actually do it as a How-To when I figure it out.
Heh, it feels like the person at thepizzy.net is nothing like the person that runs the-spot.net - it's a whole other technical side of me over there. (and of course, there is a more blatant side of me over here at The Black Journal too).
This new tech writing thing may even give me some material to start doing podcasts like I had set up the site for. I think I will give that some more consideration now that I have a content direction for the blog.
That's all for tonight, and that's all for the weekend.
3.10.2009
Guns don't kill people, bullets do...
Well, tonight, I was prompted by @winkydo's tweet about all the store's he's visited that are now out of ammo.
I asked if he knew why, and got a response from @txsarge and from @winkydo talking about how Obama plans to ban guns and ammo, and how Clinton did, respectively.
So, before putting my foot in my mouth, I asked for proof, and then did a Google Search for "obama proposed tax on ammo" and the first link was for a Washington Post article: "NRA Ads are off target about Obama and Guns"
I passed those two links on, and clicked on another link from FOX News, criticizing the Washington Post article for being incomplete, saying:
Having settled on that, I decided the only place to get valid, legitimate information is from the actual source, and I went to the WhiteHouse.gov site, did a search for "gun ban", which returned one result: an article to Obama's Agenda on Urban Policy. A CTRL + F find for "gun" takes you to this bullet point:
Meanwhile, I got 4 responses from @winkydo:
It's been my view that the major difference between the two parties, Republican and Democratic, is boiled down to two perspectives:
That's not to say I don't still have apathy for a lot of things, but it is to say that I can now see it from the other perspective. Maybe I'll write more on what my perspective is and why it's changed, and hit the main talking points that both political parties touch on.
That's all for now.
I asked if he knew why, and got a response from @txsarge and from @winkydo talking about how Obama plans to ban guns and ammo, and how Clinton did, respectively.
So, before putting my foot in my mouth, I asked for proof, and then did a Google Search for "obama proposed tax on ammo" and the first link was for a Washington Post article: "NRA Ads are off target about Obama and Guns"
While it is true that Obama favors tighter gun laws, it is a huge stretch to argue that he wants to take away the guns and ammunition most commonly used by hunters. The claim that he favors "a huge new tax on guns and ammo" rests on a confusingly worded nine-year-old newspaper article that has little relevance for Obama's platform as a presidential candidate.Without enumerating the list of all the things the WP cited as being inaccurate about the NRA's Ad, essentially the article is saying the NRA is claiming Obama wants to do away with all handguns - when their research shows that in 1999...
...Obama, then an Illinois state senator, supported a "500 percent" increase in the federal tax on the sale of "weapons he says are most commonly used in firearm deaths."Personally, I have no problem with that; why not discourage people from buying the guns that are the cause of unnecessary deaths? That doesn't infringe on hunters and their rifles. I then went and found an article by the New York Times: "Clinton proposes ban on armor-piercing ammunition"
"If a bullet can rip through a bulletproof vest like a knife through hot butter, then it ought to be history," Mr. Clinton said in accepting an award from the Illinois Council Against Handgun Violence at a police station house accompanied by Chicago's mayor, Richard M. Daley.Again, I have no problem with that. Why would we want to allow irresponsible people to have the ability (legally) to shoot through armor? Shouldn't the police have the ability to be protected from incursions, and have superior firepower than who they are going up against? (Granted, there is another side of the conversation - the sale of full-body armor to criminals.)
I passed those two links on, and clicked on another link from FOX News, criticizing the Washington Post article for being incomplete, saying:
The Washington Post analysis only discusses two issues: the Kennedy ammunition ban and the 500 percent ammunition tax. On the Kennedy bill, the Post makes the same mistake as FactCheck.org. Regarding the tax, the Post doesn’t deny that Obama held that position, but points out that the legislation Obama supported was in 1999 and that it is not clear what guns would have their ammunition taxed. CNN’s discussion appears unwilling to admit that Obama has supported large-scale bans on gun ownership.and enumerates all the points it makes from FactCheck.org. It is at this point that it is, once again clear, depending on who your sources are, the perspective of the article will be skewed to the agenda.
Having settled on that, I decided the only place to get valid, legitimate information is from the actual source, and I went to the WhiteHouse.gov site, did a search for "gun ban", which returned one result: an article to Obama's Agenda on Urban Policy. A CTRL + F find for "gun" takes you to this bullet point:
Address Gun Violence in Cities: Obama and Biden would repeal the Tiahrt Amendment, which restricts the ability of local law enforcement to access important gun trace information, and give police officers across the nation the tools they need to solve gun crimes and fight the illegal arms trade. Obama and Biden also favor commonsense measures that respect the Second Amendment rights of gun owners, while keeping guns away from children and from criminals. They support closing the gun show loophole and making guns in this country childproof. They also support making the expired federal Assault Weapons Ban permanent.Again, I have no problem releasing the information on who registered a gun so they can be held responsible for its misuse; and I have no problem banning assault weapons for the greater good of the rest of the people.
Meanwhile, I got 4 responses from @winkydo:
- ABC News: "Obama to seek new assault weapons ban"
- The Volokh Conspiracy Weblog: "FactCheck flubs Obama gun fact check"
- The Sean Hannity Forums: a post from alias die hard republican "Obama supports a 500% tax increase on firearms and ammo"
- The Connecticut Tristates News Channel website: "IL gun insurance proposal"
It's been my view that the major difference between the two parties, Republican and Democratic, is boiled down to two perspectives:
- Republican: personal rights, guided by conservative morals imposed on others.
- Democratic: civil rights, guided by the populous imposed on everyone.
That's not to say I don't still have apathy for a lot of things, but it is to say that I can now see it from the other perspective. Maybe I'll write more on what my perspective is and why it's changed, and hit the main talking points that both political parties touch on.
That's all for now.
2.23.2009
Pokin' around the code
I've been messing with some more codes as of this past week, and weekend.
I've finished up completely rewriting the Product Pages for the new release of HitRunScore.com, and have finished up all but a couple graphics for the FreeformFrog.com store. I even started looking into creating a Twitter Google Talk bot replacement.
I've got the concept written down, which didn't take long to deduce. I just have to get all the pieces working, and then make them work together. There are a few things that I need to find out if they're publicly accessible, or if only Twitter could access them. If they are the only ones that can access a few particular features, then recreating the bot will be a little more difficult, but not by much.
I also finally got around to updating the CSS and adding/removing some Widgets from this blog. Got my Last.fm playlist up finally, and installed Songbird on all my computers where I listen to Music, so I can start scrobling my songs as I listen - since I am listening to them for nearly all of the workday.
That's about all for now - all I do lately is work: at work, at home, and in bed (with a laptop on the nightstand).
I've finished up completely rewriting the Product Pages for the new release of HitRunScore.com, and have finished up all but a couple graphics for the FreeformFrog.com store. I even started looking into creating a Twitter Google Talk bot replacement.
I've got the concept written down, which didn't take long to deduce. I just have to get all the pieces working, and then make them work together. There are a few things that I need to find out if they're publicly accessible, or if only Twitter could access them. If they are the only ones that can access a few particular features, then recreating the bot will be a little more difficult, but not by much.
I also finally got around to updating the CSS and adding/removing some Widgets from this blog. Got my Last.fm playlist up finally, and installed Songbird on all my computers where I listen to Music, so I can start scrobling my songs as I listen - since I am listening to them for nearly all of the workday.
That's about all for now - all I do lately is work: at work, at home, and in bed (with a laptop on the nightstand).
2.16.2009
Post-Valentine's Day update
Well, I've been focusing a lot of my spare time on my tech projects that I have going lately...and that seems to be the pattern around times like this weekend: when ever there is relationship fodder going around in my life, during those time that I cannot participate, I turn my attention to technology.
This month is dedicated to getting the Freeformfrog.com store online for the first legitimate time in the previous 5 years of conceptualization. I've been keeping up with how things are going via a blog so that people will get to see what goes on behind the scenes of a store, but also to use it as a platform for extending the reach via twitter, feedburner, and (later) the social sites.
It's been a good full-duplex experience for me, because at the same time, I have a parallel project at my real job, that is essentially redesigning our entire yahoo store. During my own store setup, I've gotten to implement some of the ideas for utilizing social networking that I was not immediately permitted to use in our own store...but also developed new ones, that we *did* utilize (primarily by just doing first, and asking later, if at all). I figure if it helps my job, or helps my personal store, it will help me.
I also discovered today that Google allows for syncing one's Windows Mobile phone, via ActiveSync, to get one's Google Calendar and Gmail Contacts. Unfortunately, you can't sync multiple calendards from Google - just the main one. So that gave me the outlet to cancel my subscription with OggSync, which I had been using before - and which I had no problems with (except the annoyance of the popup when I tried to exit, letting me know that it'll start up as needed because I told it to - granted, this was a setting I chose, but the notification still annoyed me).
So now, I have an interest in setting up [[Apoch]], my Windows 2008 Server, to house an Exchange Mail Server, and redoing [[Oracle]] from XP to Windows 2008, so that I can set that up as my phone's remote Exchange Server. Then I'll be able to get my home emails to my phone over the mobile internets. That will help with fulfilling orders on my new store, since I'll have to be on top of it, if they order a 1-day delivery.
Otherwise, on the social front, there have been a couple contacts made with people from my distant past. I find it interesting how memories that has since moved to the furthest part of the back of one's mind, can be brought immediately to the forefront - as well as the physical/mental affects this resurfacing can induce.
Anyway, this weekend went by quick...the week went by quicker than it felt like it would last Monday too. I didn't do anything on Saturday, but tonight I saw Bolt with MoriEndi, NarcolepticTime, and Beef. It was good for what it was - but wasn't something I was terribly interested in seeing when I saw the previews. It was a typical Disney mushy-adventure-sad-happy story. But it was also only $1.50 - so no complaints there. I did notice that they also have Yes Man and Day the Earth Stood Still showing at the same theater. So I will probably go see those on my own for such a cheap price.
But for now, I'm off to bed. I have to finish my project tomorrow at work, because I'm now a week behind due to several unforeseen complications with regular work, mixed with trying to get things right on the first try with the project.
2.02.2009
Out on a limb...
So...I don't have a solution for the previous religion post. I just know I fail alot when it comes to matters of philosophy, and in matters of psychology - I find that I am an exception because of the skewed perspective I have of things. So, I'm just going to go about my business, with whatever direction the whims of my mind take me...and lately there has been new direction.
It's been a month into this year already, and my local friends (which were formerly my Plano Friends) and I have been going on photoshoots with some of the younger-crowd from flickr...namely Rachel and Eric to this point...and it's been fun. It's been good to get out of the house, and find something creative to do - to try and get some different perspective on the world, but not perspective that I have to adhere to.
Like I've mentioned in previous posts I've been doing a lot more coding lately - even more at work, and that too has given me a different perspective on things. It's kind of empowering really to realize that it's withing one's realm of accomplishment to think of what hasn't been done, but would serve one's purposes better - and then to go do it. I envy the ability of carpenters and electrical engineers to build things like buildings and electronic devices on a whim. But at the same time, I'm glad that I can either write or hack computer code to make it do what I want on a whim.
I started working on the FreeformFrog.com store this past weekend, and I nearly finished the modifications to the code, and the new design graphics, and most of the configuration in just one day. You'd think it would be simple since I've restarted this store at least 5 times in the last 5 years. But this time, I gave myself a fixed date for completion, and it should be live and accepting orders March 1, 2009.
I decided that since my boss won't let me design our new store in the manner that it needs to be designed and developed, then it would behoove me to create another source of income for myself, incase things do not go as well as planned.
I'm finding it more difficult than any previous website that I've designed, because I'm apprently not the one designing it - even though I have to come up with preliminary designs in order to convey the page structure and technology to a handful of people who were, apparently, born with no imagination whatsoever.
Whatever. It's just a testament to the fact that if I were allowed to handle this as the web developer, since I'm sitting in that position at the moment, I'd already have a working website up by now - we started in November.
On that note, and having said everything this far, I've made a subconscious decision to move forward in this direction...to start expanding my skills on the things that I have been putting off for years because I didn't believe I could do it. Something changed this past winter though, and all the sudden, I was able to formulate the internal workings of information systems in my head.
It's just reinforcement, I guess, that it's what I'm made to do...and it has become a cure for the bordem that was starting to set in being couped up in the apartment all weekend. So that, combined with adding a couple friends to the group on a more regular basis, has got me feeling like I'm going out on a new limb to see what's at the end of it.
1.26.2009
A bitter aftertaste...
I don't like to write about religion much (at least, I don't think I do - I'm sure there are past posts to contradict this statement...but whatever). I actually don't like talking about it much. I'm not sure why...at least not entirely sure...but I may be starting to figure it out.
As a kid (...yeah, I know, here we go...bear with me, I'll make this part short), we did the church thing, and that was social. Go to church on Sundays, see Brother Bernie and our friends in Sunday School, and go hang out afterward with everyone. Small church, small congregation, sounds fine.
We moved on to a bigger church - big congregation, bigger youth group, so more activities, right? No. No social life, and thus not much joy in going except to go to "Big Church" and hear the sermon. I was saved at this particular church, but I'm going to move past that, because that's not my point here.
My mom married the guy who is now my Stepdad from this church, and something changed along the way at the church, and we switched again - to another small church, small congregation, but no social lives - with the exception of the people I knew from school there (i.e. Natalie & Sarah).
Things didn't start picking up in the Church aspect of my life until we found a church out in the country (after we moved there, and bounced around several other churches in town, and the neighboring towns and) after I was almost done with High School - and then it started to mean something. There was now a purpose for church - a spiritual purpose, spiritual hunger I suppose, that changed how I viewed life, and everything that I thought I knew in the Bible, believed about God, and gave an empowering nature to this Christian title we carried around - through the facet of prayer. Then the pastor accepted a job in Kansas City - and that was that.
We tried other churches, but they were just feeble attempts compared to what I was receiving at that other church.
Fast forward a couple months - I go off to college. I am then free to choose any church I want to, as long as I have a ride, or choose to walk to it. So I do, and find myself at times walking 55 minutes to get to a church on the other side of town. Dedication for hearing the sermons that I needed to hear.
Fast forward 1.5 years (3 semesters) and my parents pull me out of college, force me to attend a church I have no interest in attending (whose doctrine I share no common thread, but Jesus' existence), and hearing a message that is leaving his mouth and falling to the floor. I am essentially starved for any kind of spiritual food. These are the parents that forced me to read Revelation Ch 13 to prove that Power Rangers were Satanic (Beast out of the Sea, Beast out of the Earth...Green Ranger & Red Ranger, respectively)...the same parents that punished me by making me watch Creflo Dollar on TV (televangelist) because I was listening to Rock music...the same parents who watched John Hagee every Sunday afternoon at 3:00.
These same parents then scolded me for reading the book of Daniel from my bible during a sermon that I was receiving nothing out of...threatened to "squeal on me" (whatever that meant) if I even struck conversation with the youth minister...and refused to let anyone of us work (or go places to cause others to work) on Sunday - yet used the television and electricity as if no one had to work those.
Jump ahead 1 month from those episodes occurring, and I was being kicked out of the house - given the two options of: Army (which would likely destroy me physically) or my Dad's (which was touted to destroy me spiritually). I chose my Dad's...because I had already been destroyed spiritually.
Until recently, I had forgotten about the method of punishment my parents chose to use on us, which ingrained a negative perspective towards those things. It wasn't until I decided to continue transcribing The Blue Journal to the internet that it all started to make sense.
I had been brought to different churches and just so happened to find one I liked, but that had extraneous circumstances that changed it. Then I was allowed to find one that I liked while I was at college, but then forced to come home, and subsequently punished for/by/with religion.
I remember that during those sermons, after the Daniel incident, I would stare at the preacher and contemplate perpetual energy, the 1800s, hover technology for cars, or working on the-spot.net. I let knowledge take place of God - because God was being used as a form of punishment.
Punishment? I don't want any part of that...but thoughts - no one can punish me for thinking about hydrogen fusion and cold-air currents...not if I manage it all in my head.
I was kicked out, moved to my Dad's, and keep the habit of going to church on Sundays (to the one with Natalie and Sarah, who happened to still be there) because that was the only facet for making friends at the time. Over time that slowly dropped off, as a lot of things I knew from the college period of my life, that were so dependent on the church aspect, started to pass away...leaving less and less reason to continue on with those ties.
Ultimately, I moved out on my own again - but this time, I had little interest in finding a church closer to where I was that suited what I wanted. It was just as easy (and at times even more desirable) to stay home, and watch the Science channel all day...to be home in time for the Cowboys to play...to relax and enjoy the one day that I usually didn't do anything on (not in keeping with the ideal of a no-work-Sunday...but because I disconnected from the world that day to restore my social energy). Almost all things "Christian" had left a bitter aftertaste for me.
This explains why I have no dichotomy explaining how what I can believe in the Bible does not interfere with what I have learned in school. It explains how I have learned to pray (or not to pray) in accordance with the human decision making process that directs our life's journey. And it explains why I have such a red-colored, internal anguish for people that use cop-out religious phrases or twist the fact to support the cause.
It was all the crappy sermons I heard that preached feel-good sermons, about name-it-and-claim-it prayers, or that God made such-&-such and He shows us that He did because this or that is a certain way.
The sermons and teachings that I went after when I was left to my own devices taught me how to apply Jesus' teachings to the things going on in my life. I didn't need to hear about peace, love and joy - I already had those at the time. I didn't need to hear the Christmas Story or the Easter Story for the 20th time in as many years. I wanted to hear about how something Paul wrote in a letter to a church can be used in how I conduct myself at work...how I relate to people...how I am to function in a relationship.
Having found that at one point, and then get bludgeoned with it by those who showed it to me...
...what would you have done? (to be continued...with a solution)
As a kid (...yeah, I know, here we go...bear with me, I'll make this part short), we did the church thing, and that was social. Go to church on Sundays, see Brother Bernie and our friends in Sunday School, and go hang out afterward with everyone. Small church, small congregation, sounds fine.
We moved on to a bigger church - big congregation, bigger youth group, so more activities, right? No. No social life, and thus not much joy in going except to go to "Big Church" and hear the sermon. I was saved at this particular church, but I'm going to move past that, because that's not my point here.
My mom married the guy who is now my Stepdad from this church, and something changed along the way at the church, and we switched again - to another small church, small congregation, but no social lives - with the exception of the people I knew from school there (i.e. Natalie & Sarah).
Things didn't start picking up in the Church aspect of my life until we found a church out in the country (after we moved there, and bounced around several other churches in town, and the neighboring towns and) after I was almost done with High School - and then it started to mean something. There was now a purpose for church - a spiritual purpose, spiritual hunger I suppose, that changed how I viewed life, and everything that I thought I knew in the Bible, believed about God, and gave an empowering nature to this Christian title we carried around - through the facet of prayer. Then the pastor accepted a job in Kansas City - and that was that.
We tried other churches, but they were just feeble attempts compared to what I was receiving at that other church.
Fast forward a couple months - I go off to college. I am then free to choose any church I want to, as long as I have a ride, or choose to walk to it. So I do, and find myself at times walking 55 minutes to get to a church on the other side of town. Dedication for hearing the sermons that I needed to hear.
Fast forward 1.5 years (3 semesters) and my parents pull me out of college, force me to attend a church I have no interest in attending (whose doctrine I share no common thread, but Jesus' existence), and hearing a message that is leaving his mouth and falling to the floor. I am essentially starved for any kind of spiritual food. These are the parents that forced me to read Revelation Ch 13 to prove that Power Rangers were Satanic (Beast out of the Sea, Beast out of the Earth...Green Ranger & Red Ranger, respectively)...the same parents that punished me by making me watch Creflo Dollar on TV (televangelist) because I was listening to Rock music...the same parents who watched John Hagee every Sunday afternoon at 3:00.
These same parents then scolded me for reading the book of Daniel from my bible during a sermon that I was receiving nothing out of...threatened to "squeal on me" (whatever that meant) if I even struck conversation with the youth minister...and refused to let anyone of us work (or go places to cause others to work) on Sunday - yet used the television and electricity as if no one had to work those.
Jump ahead 1 month from those episodes occurring, and I was being kicked out of the house - given the two options of: Army (which would likely destroy me physically) or my Dad's (which was touted to destroy me spiritually). I chose my Dad's...because I had already been destroyed spiritually.
Until recently, I had forgotten about the method of punishment my parents chose to use on us, which ingrained a negative perspective towards those things. It wasn't until I decided to continue transcribing The Blue Journal to the internet that it all started to make sense.
I had been brought to different churches and just so happened to find one I liked, but that had extraneous circumstances that changed it. Then I was allowed to find one that I liked while I was at college, but then forced to come home, and subsequently punished for/by/with religion.
I remember that during those sermons, after the Daniel incident, I would stare at the preacher and contemplate perpetual energy, the 1800s, hover technology for cars, or working on the-spot.net. I let knowledge take place of God - because God was being used as a form of punishment.
Punishment? I don't want any part of that...but thoughts - no one can punish me for thinking about hydrogen fusion and cold-air currents...not if I manage it all in my head.
I was kicked out, moved to my Dad's, and keep the habit of going to church on Sundays (to the one with Natalie and Sarah, who happened to still be there) because that was the only facet for making friends at the time. Over time that slowly dropped off, as a lot of things I knew from the college period of my life, that were so dependent on the church aspect, started to pass away...leaving less and less reason to continue on with those ties.
Ultimately, I moved out on my own again - but this time, I had little interest in finding a church closer to where I was that suited what I wanted. It was just as easy (and at times even more desirable) to stay home, and watch the Science channel all day...to be home in time for the Cowboys to play...to relax and enjoy the one day that I usually didn't do anything on (not in keeping with the ideal of a no-work-Sunday...but because I disconnected from the world that day to restore my social energy). Almost all things "Christian" had left a bitter aftertaste for me.
This explains why I have no dichotomy explaining how what I can believe in the Bible does not interfere with what I have learned in school. It explains how I have learned to pray (or not to pray) in accordance with the human decision making process that directs our life's journey. And it explains why I have such a red-colored, internal anguish for people that use cop-out religious phrases or twist the fact to support the cause.
It was all the crappy sermons I heard that preached feel-good sermons, about name-it-and-claim-it prayers, or that God made such-&-such and He shows us that He did because this or that is a certain way.
The sermons and teachings that I went after when I was left to my own devices taught me how to apply Jesus' teachings to the things going on in my life. I didn't need to hear about peace, love and joy - I already had those at the time. I didn't need to hear the Christmas Story or the Easter Story for the 20th time in as many years. I wanted to hear about how something Paul wrote in a letter to a church can be used in how I conduct myself at work...how I relate to people...how I am to function in a relationship.
Having found that at one point, and then get bludgeoned with it by those who showed it to me...
...what would you have done? (to be continued...with a solution)
1.19.2009
History in the making...
Throughout my fairly few years on this planet, I have learned about, and taken special note of the Historical events that preceded me, but have always managed to miss out on the history I as living through.
I didn't fullyrealize this until I was updating The Blue Journal and came across my post for February 1, 2003...
On the other hand, I did recognize Windows 95 being released, changing the way we use computers. I saw the dawn of the internet for consumer use. I noticed Rap music come into existence, and watched the OJ Simpson trial. I recognized Magic Johnson announced he had HIV, and was involved in the preparation for Y2K.
But all of those things that I was aware of pale in comparison to that of which I was unaware. I completely missed the initial coverage of the World Trade Center crashes, and heard about the space shuttle on the news later that day.
I guess it wasn't until I moved out of my parents' protection and house back in 2005 that I started to actually pay attention to the world around me - because I had to become a functioning part of it.
And it wasn't until July when I started noticing and actually paying attention to the presidential campaigns. I knew that President Bush had low approval ratings, and that the next election would go to the democrats - but my naivety prevented me from realizing what was happening earlier in the year.
I don't think it was until I came back from Chicago (though the trip had nothing to do with it), that I realized because this was a Democratic year, the two front runners were going to break the barrier that existed largely like an elephant in the room of America. It didn't matter who won, in the eyes of History, because it would be a first.
I should have voted, but I did not. I knew I didn't need to. I knew who would win.
He gave his acceptance speech on the 45th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous speech. He will be inaugurated on the 80th celebration of his birth. He's signifying a shift in the way the world sees America...and the way America sees itself.
I've only been alive for 25 years...but I am grateful to have been around during so many changes in the world. An explosion of Technology and Information, world-wide political changes, and now the hope to move past the racial division that some people walk on egg shells about - while others are quick to use it on the offensive.
Now that this is here, I can't even fathom what the next 25 years will bring - but believe me, I'm in no hurry to get there.
I didn't fullyrealize this until I was updating The Blue Journal and came across my post for February 1, 2003...
Man…today is a day to be put down in history. The space shuttle Columbia exploded on reentry this morning at 8:00. It was said that all over Texas it was heard when it happened. I didn’t hear it though. I was at DQ counting the store. (I got there early, at 7:30 to do it.)...I was alive when Regan was shot...but didn't know about it. I couldn't comprehend the breakup of the Soviet Union and end of the Cold War. I didn't realize that Hong Kong was handed over to China from England. I didn't know that Clinton signed NAFTA into existence.
On the other hand, I did recognize Windows 95 being released, changing the way we use computers. I saw the dawn of the internet for consumer use. I noticed Rap music come into existence, and watched the OJ Simpson trial. I recognized Magic Johnson announced he had HIV, and was involved in the preparation for Y2K.
But all of those things that I was aware of pale in comparison to that of which I was unaware. I completely missed the initial coverage of the World Trade Center crashes, and heard about the space shuttle on the news later that day.
I guess it wasn't until I moved out of my parents' protection and house back in 2005 that I started to actually pay attention to the world around me - because I had to become a functioning part of it.
And it wasn't until July when I started noticing and actually paying attention to the presidential campaigns. I knew that President Bush had low approval ratings, and that the next election would go to the democrats - but my naivety prevented me from realizing what was happening earlier in the year.
I don't think it was until I came back from Chicago (though the trip had nothing to do with it), that I realized because this was a Democratic year, the two front runners were going to break the barrier that existed largely like an elephant in the room of America. It didn't matter who won, in the eyes of History, because it would be a first.
I should have voted, but I did not. I knew I didn't need to. I knew who would win.
He gave his acceptance speech on the 45th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous speech. He will be inaugurated on the 80th celebration of his birth. He's signifying a shift in the way the world sees America...and the way America sees itself.
I've only been alive for 25 years...but I am grateful to have been around during so many changes in the world. An explosion of Technology and Information, world-wide political changes, and now the hope to move past the racial division that some people walk on egg shells about - while others are quick to use it on the offensive.
Now that this is here, I can't even fathom what the next 25 years will bring - but believe me, I'm in no hurry to get there.
1.18.2009
The Week in Review
Well, I spent most of this week at home, working on code, only to find out Friday when I was almost done, that Yahoo's RTML doesn't allow you to keep track of an incremental variable, unless you use their FOR loop. And that would be fine, unless you're doing what I am, and trying to run a FOR-EACH-OBJECT loop and need that incremental variable in the html output so I can run a javascript over it. So that's what I get to work on Monday when I go back to the office. I don't know if I'm going to be able to continue to work at home though - I may need to get that re-approved.
Overall, looking back, it has been a calm week - at least the memory of it is. There were some bumps though, like my neighbor during the last issue I had with him, and also a small...scare (?)...more like an "uh oh" when I realized that I gave one of my former co-workers the link to this blog, and forgot that I wrote about my frustrations at that job here also...and she was mentioned. Oops. :-/ Well, because I'm me, it probably would have been better not to point her this direction, but because I did, I'll take whatever consequences arrise from it.
I also spent the week without talking to the girl from college I mentioned a couple posts back. I finally emailed her back late Saturday night explaining my thoughts, in as few words as possible, but trying not to sound mean about it. And she emailed me back, but I couldn't find the words to do another reply. I'm still trying to put the abstract into formulated sentences - it's just that the whole time we've been talking...for the first time, the logic side of me was ready to go, but the romantic side of me wasn't feeling it. She's pretty, smart, and financially stable - which has been a problem with a lot of my previous girlfriends...but without the romantic interest there (not being able to move myself past friends), it just doesn't feel right. I guess that would be a good enough explanation, but is there really such a thing?
Moving on, I went to Downtown Dallas with some Plano friends, and friends my age from Flickr, and we shot photos around the West End area. And, while I wasn't feeling the muse or inspiration, it was still a fun time. I enjoyed seeing Rachel again, and hanging out with Eric as well. It's good to mix energy with other people participating in the same hobby. It shares new or different perspectives and inspirations that wouldn't otherwise come.
When I got home, I uploaded the photos, and was ready to go back out and try it all again the next day. But, that didn't happen. I actually slept in till around 10 or 11, because I was up till past midnight hanging out with Chelsea, Chris, and Beth at Denny's. We talked about all kinds of things, and it was very reminiscent of the times we'd all get together about a year ago at Chris and his roommate's apartment and just hang out talking. Religion, relationships, addictions, idolatry, frustrations, and work were just some of the topics. I really enjoy that kind of get-together, and was ready to go late into the night with it. It brought back memories of being at ETBU in the lobbies or at Waffle House just hanging out. So maybe there will be more of those.
So after I recovered from staying up so late last night, I went to the store, and got lunch/dinner. Tonight, I was hoping to see the speech that Obama was giving in front of the Lincoln Memorial - but by the time I realized that the show I scheduled to DVR was a documentary, and too late for "this afternoon" (which was when it was touted the speech would be given) it was too late. But not only that, the documentary they said would start at 7 EST actually started at 5 EST...so I got there half-way into it, because they jumped the gun. Oh well. I had Brautwursts for dinner, and bought some Chicken, and salad dressing. This is the frist time I've had Asian Salad Dressing, and it tastes a lot like the Peanut Sauce the Thai Restaurant gives us for our salad.
Without sports, Sundays are pretty boring. So I'll probably start finding other things to spend my day doing. But whatever I find, it'll be something slightly different to go along with some kind of new liveliness I found during my outtings this weekend.
I've got more to write...some realizations, some plans, and other miscellanea...but if I put them all here, I won't have anything to say for a couple more days. So I'm off to bed now.
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