What is it??

I don't know what it is that has made me more and more uninterested in people in general, but it's not nice, and doesn't make me happy, and hurts the PR I have with nearly everyone except those who know me the most.

Isolationism? Anti-Socialism? Those sound like political foreign policy stances, but I'm talking about the personality concepts.

When I go home, there are nights where I don't want to talk to anyone at all - anyone....at all. There are days when I come to work, and don't want to talk to anyone at all...or spend time fixing computers, or going to someone's desk to click OK for them on an error box that they're capable of clicking themselves. There are days when I just want to sit alone, in silence, for an extended period of time, until I have had enough time to recuperate the energy required to be social.

I'm willing to guess this has a good deal to do with finances. Moving to Plano zero-byted my checking and savings accounts. For the first time I literally had $0 in the bank or in paypal. All I had available to live on was the available balances I paid down on my credit cards since taking this new job. Now, that is no longer an option.

I'm just now getting past the 1st-month's fees that the bastard companies tack on to their services when you move, and catching up on some late bills.

What I really need to do is get the credit card bills off the expense report. That would save me an extra $800 a month...srsly. But those won't get paid off until 2011, at the earliest. (At this point, I don't mind if Nostradamus is right about the 2012 asteroid impact, I won't have to pay my credit cards back).

I got one paid off last summer, and was just about to pay off the second one before I moved, and in the matter of a month, I ran it back up to the limit. Why? Visiting my friends and family in Arlington/Hurst and making unnecessary trips (one of which was for a metal rod not even worth the gas it cost to go get it). And so, when I told my stepmom that I could literally not afford to make it to my brother's birthday party this coming weekend, she sounded shocked. Well, it's a 100 mile round-trip...it's the same thing as going to our grandparents house for something as trivial as a few hours.

For some reason, I am happier when I have the means to afford spending time with people. Just being able to go over and spend time is not enough for me (apparently), I have to be able to afford to do it.

I don't feel isolationist all the time, nor do I mind being around a certain handful of people when I feel that way. But lately it's been more often than not that it has been the case.