Yet I am well...

I do oft wonder that one man, seeing how much his
brother is a fool when he dedicates his
behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at
such shallow follies in others, become the argument
of his own scorn by falling in love.

I know time when there was music with me
but the drum and the bass; and yet I had
rather heard the tabour and the pipe: I know
time when I would walked ten mile a-foot to see a
good armour; and yet I had laid ten nights awake,
carving the fashion of a new doublet. I now
speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man
and a soldier; and yet I turned orthography; my
words were a very fantastical banquet, just so many
strange dishes.

May I be so converted and see with
these eyes again? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not
be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but
I'll take my oath on it, till I have made an oyster
of me, it shall never make me such a fool.

One woman is fair, yet I am well;
another is wise, yet I am well;
another virtuous, yet I am well;
but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in
my grace.

For those that don't know what this says, here is the regular english translation:

I often wonder why that, one man, seeing how much his friend
is a fool when he dedicates his self to the deeds of love,
will, after being lauged at and mocked of such shallow
follies in others, become the argument of his own mocking
by falling in love himself.

I know of a time when there was no music with me
except for what I wanted to enjoy; and yet I found myself
entertaining others it. I know a time when I would go
to great lengths to enjoy the things that I liked;
and yet, I found myself doing things others enjoyed.
Now I can speak freely and bluntly about my thoughts,
as an honest person...a man; and yet, I found that I crafted my words
so they would not offend, and would have more meaning than
what was initially spoken.

May I be changed back to that state again? I don't know...
I would think not; I will not swear to it, for love could make
me eat my words; but I'll take my oath on it, till I have
eaten my words, it shall never make me such a fool.

One woman is beautiful, but it doesn't phase me;
another is smart, but it doesn't phase me;
another is virtuous, by it doesn't phase me;
But until all these things are present in one woman,
no woman shall be present for me.

If you haven't figured it out by now, I am single, again. And I do not harbor any depression, resentment, or anger. The news that hastened the decision was that which would give every reason to defame her and ruin her name and reputation. However, I am not that kind of person - should I resort to such things, I would be no better off than she.

It was good while it lasted...she had everything I was looking for, all in one person. My family liked her, even to the point of sending her to family events regardless of whether I could attend or not. Her outlook on family life was the outlook I was looking for, and her expectations of a husband were that of what I had intended to provide. She was not unattractive, but rather encompassed all the physical aspects of the previous four major girlfriends. Her personal history even shared that similarity. She also shared aspects of my mother and my stepmother.

However, I was not good enough for her apparently, and the mistake she made was one that does not get made with me. I have forgiveness for people that ask it, and it will remove whatever ill-feelings are present...but only if that person confesses. She did not, other sources informed me.

It's not all bad though...as I've said all along, you can't break what's already broken. It might be hard for some people to fathom living a life without intimate feelings or sadness or excitement...but for me, it's become common place. No excitement means that you can't be let down. Not being let down means you won't get sad...no sadness means there is no depression...and no depression means there is no stress in the situation.

I used to worry and be up nights when stuff like this happened. After it happened with the one girl I had hoped to marry, and then again with the backup girl - I was done. One more ordeal later, I'm still done, until the right girl comes along. One that I have to be totally on board with, or it's not going to happen.

So, here is my birthday present...a status of singledom. Happy birthday to me.